I needed a funny story and I needed it quite fast Of a tale plucked from the murky depths of Greg's wild past I asked his wife, Bronwyn, to give me one or two But she came up with nothing, what was I to do
I widened the family circle sure that others could help out But although outside was teeming rain, of stories there was drought I could not believe that Greg had lived a life so smooth and bland That never, not even once, had things got out of hand
And then I myself remembered only weeks ago Of the time Greg was meant to barbeque pork, nice and slow He had a foolproof method, using technology most advanced His very special thermometer which removed the element of chance
He thrust it boldly inside this choicest cut of meat Then sat down on a chair to rest his weary feet Feeling safe in the knowledge that all he had to do Was wait for his beeper to make a beep or two
But then his mother's voice disturbed the slumber party Greggy there's a bit of smoke, coming out of the barbie Oh Mum don't worry, my thermometer hasn't given an alarm A little bit of smoke is not going to do any harm
He returned to his restful afternoon nap Well deserved for such a hardworking chap Yet again his mother felt compelled to make a statement Greggy there's now a lot of smoke, no sign of an abatement
Greg checked his trusty beeper through half closed eyes Don't worry Mum, it's OK, my beeper never lies He'd barely had the chance to return to the land of nod When his mother thought it was time for one gigantic prod
Greggy there are flames soaring right up to the roof Your thermometer isn't working, do you want any more proof Greg now saw the fire, and his heart started beating faster He raced over trying to save his possible culinary disaster
A mound of charred substance greeted his hopeful face And there was no other meat that could be served in its place Panicking he rang Judith, to head up the salvage operation Could she turn this blackened lump into a tempting taste sensation
Judith took in the burnt offering, peeling off the outer shell And cooked it in her weber, making heaven out of hell Then Greg told his diners proudly, what they were eating from their fork Was his very special recipe, of twice cooked pork